I recently read a blog post by my good friends at the porch (which I hope you check out here). As a Dad of three young women, I was prompted to add a few thoughts to JP’s list of “why guys don’t ask girls out”, and I thought I would share my “adds” here. See bottom of this post for more on the blessing that the porch is and check out the the link above to see his original post that prompted my comments below.
Ladies, and I certainly tell my daughters this, one of the reasons guys don’t pursue women is that they don’t have to. Some girls make themselves too available. In other words, they make their three-dimensional selves way too accessible. Don’t let a guy spend too much time with you (especially once you find yourself starting to wish he would ask you out) without seeking that time out with you intentionally. In other words, seek the Lord (as opposed to seeking a date/husband), serve passionately, and then skedaddle. I’m not talking about playing games here…but after the third or fourth time you go out with the same group after serving, being at The Porch, etc., it might be good to not join the group (especially if the guy you hope pursues you is always there).
Why? Because he has no reason to pursue you privately if he can always enjoy you publicly. I tell my gals that the treasure doesn’t do the hunting. If there is never any mystery as to what is “down there” most boys will never go through the trouble of digging. So don’t play games, but also don’t always play with the group. Go home early and spend some time seeking the Lord, reminding yourself of the MAN you want your man to look like. This is especially true if the reason you always join the group is because the guy you want to ask you out is always in the group. Going on the group date with him every week is maybe the very reason he never asks you out.
Finally, there is a similar reason why the men who DO date you DON’T marry you, and it just might be because you are making more than your time too available.
Why would a guy date a girl if he can be with her any time he wants without intentional effort? Even more, why would a guy marry a girl he can sleep with (or get off with) any time he wants to without intentionally declaring before God and family that SHE is the ONE.
Treasures don’t do the hunting and treasure chests have locks on them for a reason. Don’t give him the code until he makes the covenant.
*JP’s blog post is yet another example of why the Porch and its leadership are a HUGE gift to 20-somethings and therefore a HUGE gift to both the future and the present of this church and our city. It is not easy to find leaders who will speak the truth to you these days and it is even harder to find those who will do so creatively, winsomely, and always back it up with ULTIMATE TRUTH. Way to go JP. Way to go Porch team. May the Lord multiply your kind, and do so by y’all making and multiplying disciples.